Axiom One

“Our individual experience of life is determined by the content of our individual consciousness. We are conditioned to believe that things outside of us strike our consciousness, producing our experience. This first self-evident spiritual principle, however counter-intuitive it seems at first, states that it’s the other way around: it’s the content of our consciousness, our beliefs, and our fears that produces our experience. It’s not “seeing is believing,” it’s really “believing is seeing.”

For example, if we are looking forward to some point in the future when everything is going to be all right, we are believing that things are not all right now, and that is our experience.

This axiom says that it will continue to be our experience that things are not all right for as long as we continue to look forward to things being all right. The time we are looking forward to will never come. Some people spend their entire lives waiting throughout an endless series of events that they hope will make everything all right.

“How many of us say that we’ll meditate more when we have more time, but that day never arrives (until we begin meditating and real-ize how much wasted time is eliminated)?

“Another way of stating this axiom is: Nothing happens to me that is not a reflection of my own beliefs and conditioning
Turning our consciousness from lack to celebration

The 10 Non-Negotiables are:
1. Courtesy vs. Rudeness
2. Sensitivity vs. Aggression
3. Freedom vs. Oppression
4. Truthfulness vs. Dishonesty
5. Straightforwardness vs. Manipulation
6. Independence vs. Expectations
7. Acceptance vs. Concepts
8. Time and Space Alone vs. Crowding
9. Taking Joy in Accomplishments vs. Competition
10.  Responsibility vs. Irresponsibility

Axiom Two

"The only sound basis for an adult relationship is to enhance mutual spiritual growth.”

Axiom Seven

"Everyone (including you) is (and always has been) doing the best she or he can.”

Axiom Thirteen

Love is simply unconditional acceptance.

Axiom Fourteen

Every act based in human consciousness is based in fear; every act based in God-consciousness is based in love.”

 Spiritual Intimacy Workshops

We all have experienced the joys of physical intimacy, and in our relationship, we are given the opportunity to explore emotional intimacy. Loving SoberTM is designed to introduce or deepen couples familiarity within spiritual intimacy.
All of the apparent difficulties in the material world are three dimensional. The sustainable solution to relationship challenges is fourth dimensional, spiritual in nature. So, let me be clear: The ideas presented in Loving Sober™ will NOT work without a shared meditation practice. A spiritual transformation cannot enter a closed fist.
A common misconception is that meditation is impractical, time consuming, and too hard for those with busy minds. On
the contrary: it highly practical, time enhancing and initially challenging for everyone, but well worth the investment.
In fact, a shared quiet time facilitates our hearts expanding and awareness deepening. It takes the pressure off of us, our
mates and the whole world.
There is something that happens when two people sit in spiritual contemplation and the sense of peace that arises from that.

There is also a deepening of the union that goes beyond the conscious mind. There is a subtle increase in intimacy every time we sit silently and ponder Spirit with our significant other.
One of the wonderful things about making a commitment to meditate with your partner is that seldom are both partners
seduced at the same time by the idea that any thing or activity is more important than spiritually conscious contact.

Every couple will find a unique meditation practice that works for them. Here’s an example of how you might begin:
1. Select a space in your home where the two of you can sit comfortably in close proximity. Touch hands.
2. Read a short piece of any spiritual literature that speaks to you. Examples might include: Paul Ferrini’s “Everyday
Wisdom: a Spiritual Book of Days” or Coleman Barks’ “A
Year with Rumi.”
3. Set a pleasant sounding timer for five minutes (there is a great one at just relax, close eyes and breathe. Setting a timer is critical for beginners as it allows the mind to stop worrying about how much time is left.
As your practice deepens, the desired meditation period will naturally expand. Don’t try to force it.
Our Buddhist friends, who have been doing this for over four thousand years, call the beginners’ mind the monkey mind because it tends to jump and shriek.
Sitting still and not heeding the suggestion to jump up and do something will probably feel uncomfortable and like an eternity at first, but know that everyone goes through a similar experience. Small glimmers of a sense of peace will begin to appear in your awareness – a deep sigh, a realization that everything right now is absolutely OK, a sense of being taken care of, a realization that you are sitting in the Presence of Love Itself. Be patient as the weeks and months pass; that sense of Peace in and as you will blossom.
4. When the timer goes off take a copy of a prayer or spiritual text – you might try the St. Francis Prayer or “1st Corinthians: 13” to begin with- and read it aloud to each other, alternating lines.
5. When you finish kiss and get up and go into your day.
Every couple who has tried this for thirty days has had a psychic change in their experience of each other.
There are many wonderful tools available to those beginning or restarting a meditation practice, and there is no wrong way
to meditate. The only way to do it wrong, is not to do it.


Open My Heart Meditation
Hand over your heart and repeat every 22 minutes
I love you,
I love you,
I love you
I love you
Please forgive me
Nobody ever taught me To love you
But I am here now and
I love you,
I love you,
I love you I love you

Make me a channel of peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring love
Where this is doubt, let me bring faith
Where there is wrong, let me bring forgiveness
Where there is discord, I may bring harmony
Where there is error, I may bring truth
Where ther is doubt, I may bring faith
Where there is despair, I may bring hope
Where there is sadness, I may bring joy
May I seek
To comfort than be comforted
To understand than be understood
To love than be loved
It is by self forgetting that one finds
It is by forgiving one is forgiven
It is by dying to self that one awakens

May I be happy, truly happy
May I be free from suffering
May my heart be open
May I be a light of peace in the world

May Adell be happy, truly happy
May Adell be free from suffering
May Adell’s heart be open
May Adell be a light of peace in the world

May our marriage be happy, truly happy
May our marriage be free from suffering
May our hearts be open
May our marriage be a light of peace in the world

May my family be happy, truly happy
May our family be free from suffering
May our hearts be open
May our family be a light of peace in the world

“Radically ridiculously and without conditions love yourself. That’s it. Everything else will take care of itself. Adell Shay…… August 2022

Rumi Poem

Sheba’s Hesitation

Imagine that you are Sheba trying to decide
whether or not to go to Solomon.

You are haggling about how much to pay
For shoeing a donkey, when you could be seated
With one who is always in union with God,
Who carries a beautiful garden inside himself.

You could be moving in a great circuit
Without wings, nourished without eating,
Sovereign without a throne.
No longer subject to fortune,
You could be luck itself,
If you would rise from sleep,
Leave the market-arguing, and learn
That your own essence is your wealth.
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